i know it has been a while; there has been a lot of change since i went to disneyland. as in i moved across the country, moved again, "settled" in st. louis, started teaching, mom came to visit, license plates were stolen, and i'm starting to regret this decision. but that is where this email comes in: it is a cry for help to my "mentor" at Teach for America. enjoy.
9-17-07
Hi Abby.
First of all, thanks for the wonderful happy hour on Friday! It was
wonderful to get together with you and some of the other awesome CMs
and just chat. And your food was spectacular.
I am feeling the need to reach out because I feel myself hitting a
wall. I'm feeling like a failure and a terrible teacher for not
having the motivation to do the LTP. Though we are learning things
that are required by the district, I don't feel that here isn't any
flow to it or that I'm working towards anything in particular. I
think back to what my CMA, Cortney, would ask me: "Is it a skill,
mindset or knowledge that you are lacking?" To be honest, I feel like
it all three. I felt so much success this summer with my class in LA;
and I felt like a wonderful teacher. Now, when it's my job to make
these kids successful, I cannot seem to find the skills or knowledge
to teach them what they need to learn, and surrounded by negativity
and poor behavior from my students and other teachers, I am falling
into a negative mindset hole that I am try very hard to climb out of.
I KNOW deep down that my kids can learn and they can succeed, I just
don't feel as though I have the skills to help them reach our Big
Goals. I need help Abby; suggestions, training wheels, support, a
clue as to how to teach kids to increase their reading
comprehension--anything! I feel that all I'm doing is having them
fill in graphic organizers and telling them it is important and it
will help them. I WANT to make gains with them, I just need a push,
perhaps a shove, in order to do it. I need help, and without a mentor
teacher at my school, and a crowd of other CMs going through their own
emotional and motivational roller coasters, I am reaching out to you.
Can we meet? Talk? Plan? Help me! I want to want to go to work in the
morning and close the gap. I am feeling like a failure and a horrible
teacher at the moment, and it makes me want to give up and go home.
But I don't want to go give up! I want to be good at this and I want
to help these kids because I have seen how much they need it and how
some of them really want it. Please help Abby; help re-light the fire
that made me join this movement and ideas to help me out of this rut
feeling insufficient.
Specifically, I need help organizing my standards/objectives into
units and teaching writing/spelling/grammar/reading all at the same
time without overwhelming my babies. It seems like it takes twice as
long with these 6th graders to get or do anything I ask, so I also
need help with dealing with that. Can you help or know someone I can
talk to? I don't want to spin my wheels any longer.
Thanks for "listening" Abby. I look forward to hearing your thoughts
and suggestions.
Meghan
Monday, September 17, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
fantastic news!
i MIGHT have a job in st. louis! i talked to deva today and if all goes well, i will be teaching at carr lane visual and performing arts middle school! things need to be confirmed and finalized and so-and-so has to talk to HR, but i should know by thursday. i'm super excited- one less thing i have to worry about! plus, my new apartment is only 3.5 miles away from this school, which is excellent for biking and not having to get up so early in the morning in order to get to school in time. :)
and now the sun in shining and we are going to the pool soon B-)
m
and now the sun in shining and we are going to the pool soon B-)
m
TFA-robots, at a store near you
wow...seventeen days since i last updated... i'm going to blame it on TFA and all the lesson plans i have to write nightly. actually, not just the lesson plans, but all of the insane amount of work we have to do around here. below is part of an email i sent to my aunt julie that is a great synopsis of my life in this place:
things are going really well, considering we work about 19 hours a day and get up to 6 hours of sleep. we get up, eat bfast and are on a bus to compton by 6:40. to school by 7:20, kids start coming in at 7:50, class starts at 8. we have two blocks with two classes, each staring with a 30 minute literacy period, and then english class broken into two sections for two teachers and two different objectives. i leave my classroom at 8:30, go to teacher class or observe other classrooms until 10:20, when i'm back for another 30 minute literacy session, and then i either teach for 45 minutes or have prep/observation time for 45 and then i teach for 45. school's done at 12:20, we have lunch from 12:30-1, then classes all afternoon until we load the busses at 4:30. we get home usually by 5:15, have some dinner and then there are various group meetings, lesson planning clinics, learning teams, workshops, copies to make and lesson plans to write and rehearse until bed, which can be anywhere from 11pm to 1am- then the cycle starts over bright and early the next day at 5:45am.
it has been a lesson in perseverance against everything your body is telling you to do- sleep is the big one and relax is the next. we go, go, go from dawn to well past dusk. by about thursday, you are just in a fog of sleep and energy-deprivation, only to be woken up by the 19 sweet, un-trusting faces glaring at you during summer school. in the classroom is the only time that i am truly awake and enthusiastic, every other minute is a blur of work and counting down the mintues until bedtime. i wake up and my first thought every morning is "when do i get to go back to bed?" then i think about my kids and the day to come, hoping that i can do something to help them read beyond a 5th grade reading level (they are going into 8th grade), and teach them the elements of an argument and support and all about plot and characters and how to write well. it's a tough neighborhood, but a great school with wonderful kids. granted, not all of them want to be there or are stellar individuals, but they all have grad potential that we are trying to tap and show them that they can be great students, since the system has given up on them. i just can't fathom how schools can pass kids grade to grade without noticing or caring that they can't read or write a sentance. i've drank the TFA kool-aid and i do agree that the education gap is one of the biggest tragedies in our society. that, and TFA has made me a teacher-bot.
needless to say, i'm happy its the weekend. i will be working a great part of it, but at least time is my own, and i can get up, eat, do what i want and when i want to do it. only one more weekend after this and then i'm home, for a grand total of 24 hours. it would be great to see you that weekend! are you thinking of coming only to madison, or to st. louis too? what a grand adventure it will be- and even grander if you are there! next weekend a group of us are planning to go to disneyland, which i am extremely excited about. my deadbeat parents never took me to disney-anywhere so, i've got to go and be awed and amazed before i'm not kid-like enough to enjoy it.
that's about it for now; i'm going to write a lesson plan about conflict in narrative texts, make some phone calls to parents/students, and perhaps go to the pool. hope your saturday continues to be fantastic; i wish i was there to join in the fun!
schedule for summer: here until aug 3rd at midnight, home to madison aug 4th at 9:41am. moving to st. louis on aug 5, orientation aug 8th through the 11th, and hopefully starting school around the 20th.
P.S.: I STILL LOVE MAIL! see the last post for my address. thanks in advance!
things are going really well, considering we work about 19 hours a day and get up to 6 hours of sleep. we get up, eat bfast and are on a bus to compton by 6:40. to school by 7:20, kids start coming in at 7:50, class starts at 8. we have two blocks with two classes, each staring with a 30 minute literacy period, and then english class broken into two sections for two teachers and two different objectives. i leave my classroom at 8:30, go to teacher class or observe other classrooms until 10:20, when i'm back for another 30 minute literacy session, and then i either teach for 45 minutes or have prep/observation time for 45 and then i teach for 45. school's done at 12:20, we have lunch from 12:30-1, then classes all afternoon until we load the busses at 4:30. we get home usually by 5:15, have some dinner and then there are various group meetings, lesson planning clinics, learning teams, workshops, copies to make and lesson plans to write and rehearse until bed, which can be anywhere from 11pm to 1am- then the cycle starts over bright and early the next day at 5:45am.
it has been a lesson in perseverance against everything your body is telling you to do- sleep is the big one and relax is the next. we go, go, go from dawn to well past dusk. by about thursday, you are just in a fog of sleep and energy-deprivation, only to be woken up by the 19 sweet, un-trusting faces glaring at you during summer school. in the classroom is the only time that i am truly awake and enthusiastic, every other minute is a blur of work and counting down the mintues until bedtime. i wake up and my first thought every morning is "when do i get to go back to bed?" then i think about my kids and the day to come, hoping that i can do something to help them read beyond a 5th grade reading level (they are going into 8th grade), and teach them the elements of an argument and support and all about plot and characters and how to write well. it's a tough neighborhood, but a great school with wonderful kids. granted, not all of them want to be there or are stellar individuals, but they all have grad potential that we are trying to tap and show them that they can be great students, since the system has given up on them. i just can't fathom how schools can pass kids grade to grade without noticing or caring that they can't read or write a sentance. i've drank the TFA kool-aid and i do agree that the education gap is one of the biggest tragedies in our society. that, and TFA has made me a teacher-bot.
needless to say, i'm happy its the weekend. i will be working a great part of it, but at least time is my own, and i can get up, eat, do what i want and when i want to do it. only one more weekend after this and then i'm home, for a grand total of 24 hours. it would be great to see you that weekend! are you thinking of coming only to madison, or to st. louis too? what a grand adventure it will be- and even grander if you are there! next weekend a group of us are planning to go to disneyland, which i am extremely excited about. my deadbeat parents never took me to disney-anywhere so, i've got to go and be awed and amazed before i'm not kid-like enough to enjoy it.
that's about it for now; i'm going to write a lesson plan about conflict in narrative texts, make some phone calls to parents/students, and perhaps go to the pool. hope your saturday continues to be fantastic; i wish i was there to join in the fun!
schedule for summer: here until aug 3rd at midnight, home to madison aug 4th at 9:41am. moving to st. louis on aug 5, orientation aug 8th through the 11th, and hopefully starting school around the 20th.
P.S.: I STILL LOVE MAIL! see the last post for my address. thanks in advance!
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
mailing address!
this address is ONLY good between July 3rd and August 1st!
Meghan E. Green / Corps Member
c/o Teach For America / St. Louis
Parkside Commons
1601 Earl Warren Drive
Long Beach, CA 90815
Meghan E. Green / Corps Member
c/o Teach For America / St. Louis
Parkside Commons
1601 Earl Warren Drive
Long Beach, CA 90815
Monday, July 2, 2007
Early morning, day 2
A few good things and two not so good:
+ showering at night and sleeping with wet hair has produced a nice, non-bedhead look, which is excellent for a few reasons. It means I can sleep a little more in the morning, which also means that fighting for the two shower stalls can be left to the other 13 people in our suite.
+ the fan that TFA provided us keeps our room nice and cool all night long. Hurray!
- The sheets that CSULB provided successfully came undone while I was sleeping last night. This is perhaps because there is no fitted sheet in the set. Target, here I come. Maybe I can get my deposit back for the craptastic sheets?
- I need tissues like its my business. Changing climates has thrown my allergies off track.
OH! It's close to breakfast time, so I'm going to decide what to wear today and head on over. Perhaps more tonight after the first day has been completed.
+ showering at night and sleeping with wet hair has produced a nice, non-bedhead look, which is excellent for a few reasons. It means I can sleep a little more in the morning, which also means that fighting for the two shower stalls can be left to the other 13 people in our suite.
+ the fan that TFA provided us keeps our room nice and cool all night long. Hurray!
- The sheets that CSULB provided successfully came undone while I was sleeping last night. This is perhaps because there is no fitted sheet in the set. Target, here I come. Maybe I can get my deposit back for the craptastic sheets?
- I need tissues like its my business. Changing climates has thrown my allergies off track.
OH! It's close to breakfast time, so I'm going to decide what to wear today and head on over. Perhaps more tonight after the first day has been completed.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
No wet clothing permitted.
Day 1: Madison to LAX to Institute
Today's Big Goal: Arrive at Institute unscathed and ready for the hardest five weeks of my life.
Success? YES!
The day started at 6am, with a firm knock on my bedroom door by Timmy. Up, showered, dressed and packing up the last few things, we headed out the door at 7:15am. My flight was scheduled at 9 and I checked in the night before, so we weren't in a huge rush to get to the 8-gated Madison Airport. A quick stop at Starbucks nourished us with scones and assorted beverages and we arrived at the airport at 7:35am. Before checking in, I ran into my high school yearbook teacher, Dandi, who was there with his son. Timmy weighed my bags while I made a pit stop and discovered that both bags were only a little over 50lbs. I did some shifting and successfully checked to bags weighing in at 49.5lbs. Off to a good start.
Timmy wished me well and sent me off to security, where I ran into Joy Baumann, my youth group leader from what seems like eons ago. We caught up and chatted through the very long security line- only one of two lines were functioning so early in the morn. I got through security at the perfect time to walk on to my plane to Minneapolis. A forty-four minute nap later, I jaunted to gate G18, met up with Mariam and yes, I confess, had a very early and quick lunch of a 6 piece chicken nugget Happy Meal with chosen apple slices and apple juice.
The plane out of Minneapolis was a bit delayed in leaving, but with good headwinds (whatever that means- maybe my pilot dad can fill me in later), we made it to LAX on time. Mariam and I found a bathroom and then the baggage claim. A long wait later, we had all eight bags (for two people!) in our possession and proceeded to find Becky, who graciously arranged a shuttle for us. Thankfully, there were five of us so the cost was manageable.
Zoom zoom and we made it to California State University at Long Beach, found our check in site and proceeded on the 12 step process of signing and giving our life away to TFA for the next five weeks. I had to sign a form that said I was aware I might be dismembered or die during Institute, such a wonderful way to start this experience. Found my room, got my linens and my transitional loan check (yay for FREE money!) and only had enough time to plunk down my bags and find my purse before we were off to the first of what I forsee as many trips to the nearby Target. It's about a mile-long walk, but nice and a good way to get away from this place. I purchased some tasty snacks, laundry detergent (unlike K, no free laundry in the dorms!), a longer ethernet cord that will actually reach my computer, and a soft, plush blanket to replace the awful wool, scratchy one lent to me by the very hospitable CSULB. After a long, sunny walk back, it was eatin' time: burgers, beans, and pasta salad followed by very moist yellow cake topped with white frosting and coconut. YUM. The best meal all day.
I came back to unpack and organize room J101, which I share with Lyndsie, a fellow (half) Wisconsinite (she went to Marquette). I'm pretty sure that I brought the right amount of clothes; if anything, I brought too many professional outfits, but that just means more options for work and the kiddies won't be bored with my attire week after week. I brought along the framed picture of myself, Laurel and Carrie to spice up my room, and to have as a reminder of wonderful friends and fun times. I read through the 'Operations Manual,' which inspired today's title: you can't eat in the Parkside Commons Dining area wearing wet clothes. Note to self: do not shower with clothes on and go to breakfast, lunch, or dinner! I felt grimy from traveling, walking to Target, sitting on wet grass for the picnic dinner, and generally settling in, so I decided to shower. The shower heads are about at my chin, and brilliantly, I brought along two kinds of conditioner instead of a shampoo and a conditioner. Remember what I said about the first of many trips to Target?
The whole day has felt surreal. The only panic attack I almost had was when my bags were the last ones to come out of the luggage shoot before it stopped. Travel was easy, meeting up with people made the day that much better, and CSULB so far has been picture-perfect with its grassy lawns, palms, and close proximity to Target. It doesn't seem real that tomorrow, I will wake up at the butt-crack of dawn, load a bus at 6:40am, and be at Gompers Middle School in LA to learn how to be a teacher. In November, this day seemed a million days away, and in the past few days, it has seemed like a whirlwind. Saying good-bye to Kyle and Kels what felt like so abruptly and not well enough, to packing up not only my bags for LA, but my whole room so it is ready to move on the day after I return to my favorite city. My room looked so sad with none of my stuff in it, and the pile in the basement is daunting. I will be in Madison for less than 12 hours when I return from Institute. That is the hardest part about this whole thing. I just wish I had more time to adequately leave the place I called home for twelve years. I have to go start this new adventure tomorrow and I'm hung up on leaving home. There are more important things to think about! Like STUDENT ACHEIVEMENT!
Now to figure out exactly how early I need to get up to allow myself adequate time to eat, dress, make a necessary pit stop, and load the bus by 6:30am. Wow, real-world life starts tomorrow.
Hold on to your hats kids, it's going to be a wild ride.
Today's Big Goal: Arrive at Institute unscathed and ready for the hardest five weeks of my life.
Success? YES!
The day started at 6am, with a firm knock on my bedroom door by Timmy. Up, showered, dressed and packing up the last few things, we headed out the door at 7:15am. My flight was scheduled at 9 and I checked in the night before, so we weren't in a huge rush to get to the 8-gated Madison Airport. A quick stop at Starbucks nourished us with scones and assorted beverages and we arrived at the airport at 7:35am. Before checking in, I ran into my high school yearbook teacher, Dandi, who was there with his son. Timmy weighed my bags while I made a pit stop and discovered that both bags were only a little over 50lbs. I did some shifting and successfully checked to bags weighing in at 49.5lbs. Off to a good start.
Timmy wished me well and sent me off to security, where I ran into Joy Baumann, my youth group leader from what seems like eons ago. We caught up and chatted through the very long security line- only one of two lines were functioning so early in the morn. I got through security at the perfect time to walk on to my plane to Minneapolis. A forty-four minute nap later, I jaunted to gate G18, met up with Mariam and yes, I confess, had a very early and quick lunch of a 6 piece chicken nugget Happy Meal with chosen apple slices and apple juice.
The plane out of Minneapolis was a bit delayed in leaving, but with good headwinds (whatever that means- maybe my pilot dad can fill me in later), we made it to LAX on time. Mariam and I found a bathroom and then the baggage claim. A long wait later, we had all eight bags (for two people!) in our possession and proceeded to find Becky, who graciously arranged a shuttle for us. Thankfully, there were five of us so the cost was manageable.
Zoom zoom and we made it to California State University at Long Beach, found our check in site and proceeded on the 12 step process of signing and giving our life away to TFA for the next five weeks. I had to sign a form that said I was aware I might be dismembered or die during Institute, such a wonderful way to start this experience. Found my room, got my linens and my transitional loan check (yay for FREE money!) and only had enough time to plunk down my bags and find my purse before we were off to the first of what I forsee as many trips to the nearby Target. It's about a mile-long walk, but nice and a good way to get away from this place. I purchased some tasty snacks, laundry detergent (unlike K, no free laundry in the dorms!), a longer ethernet cord that will actually reach my computer, and a soft, plush blanket to replace the awful wool, scratchy one lent to me by the very hospitable CSULB. After a long, sunny walk back, it was eatin' time: burgers, beans, and pasta salad followed by very moist yellow cake topped with white frosting and coconut. YUM. The best meal all day.
I came back to unpack and organize room J101, which I share with Lyndsie, a fellow (half) Wisconsinite (she went to Marquette). I'm pretty sure that I brought the right amount of clothes; if anything, I brought too many professional outfits, but that just means more options for work and the kiddies won't be bored with my attire week after week. I brought along the framed picture of myself, Laurel and Carrie to spice up my room, and to have as a reminder of wonderful friends and fun times. I read through the 'Operations Manual,' which inspired today's title: you can't eat in the Parkside Commons Dining area wearing wet clothes. Note to self: do not shower with clothes on and go to breakfast, lunch, or dinner! I felt grimy from traveling, walking to Target, sitting on wet grass for the picnic dinner, and generally settling in, so I decided to shower. The shower heads are about at my chin, and brilliantly, I brought along two kinds of conditioner instead of a shampoo and a conditioner. Remember what I said about the first of many trips to Target?
The whole day has felt surreal. The only panic attack I almost had was when my bags were the last ones to come out of the luggage shoot before it stopped. Travel was easy, meeting up with people made the day that much better, and CSULB so far has been picture-perfect with its grassy lawns, palms, and close proximity to Target. It doesn't seem real that tomorrow, I will wake up at the butt-crack of dawn, load a bus at 6:40am, and be at Gompers Middle School in LA to learn how to be a teacher. In November, this day seemed a million days away, and in the past few days, it has seemed like a whirlwind. Saying good-bye to Kyle and Kels what felt like so abruptly and not well enough, to packing up not only my bags for LA, but my whole room so it is ready to move on the day after I return to my favorite city. My room looked so sad with none of my stuff in it, and the pile in the basement is daunting. I will be in Madison for less than 12 hours when I return from Institute. That is the hardest part about this whole thing. I just wish I had more time to adequately leave the place I called home for twelve years. I have to go start this new adventure tomorrow and I'm hung up on leaving home. There are more important things to think about! Like STUDENT ACHEIVEMENT!
Now to figure out exactly how early I need to get up to allow myself adequate time to eat, dress, make a necessary pit stop, and load the bus by 6:30am. Wow, real-world life starts tomorrow.
Hold on to your hats kids, it's going to be a wild ride.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Testing, testing...
Mmm...new blog smell!
T-minus 6 days until Induction in St. Louis and only 13 days until Institute starts in L.A.! Holy crap I have a lot of work to do before I head to the West Coast.
The 8 days post-graduation have flown by. I feel like I graduated and then it is today and I don't remember what happened in between. I know my mom and I looked at houses (for her) and I saw Kels and Kyle and went to Noah's Ark- but could that have really taken 8 days? Man-o-man, I miss K. But like Kels said, it is better that I miss it and remember it fondly than hate it and never want to go back. It's the people more than anything that I miss at K, especially Pie Hole and Hippo and the Feminist Fun group. Those were good times.
It's hard to imagine in less than two months, the State of Missouri and Teach for America and a school district have the confidence in me to teach actual children actual lessons in order to catch them up or help them get ahead. I'm not going to lie, I bought an "English Grammar for Dummies" workbook the other day just so I can brush up on the basics before I have to teach them. Let's hope I survive the summer teacher boot camp and moving and all that in order to use the workbook skills!
On the docket for this week:
-TFA Pre-Institue Work
-Book apartment showings for next week
-Get approved for an auto loan
-Go car shopping
-Hang out with best friend, brand new nurse Kelsey :)
-Date on Thursday with Kyle ;)
-Head out on Saturday for the STL!
That's all for now- I have to get cracking on that list!
-M
T-minus 6 days until Induction in St. Louis and only 13 days until Institute starts in L.A.! Holy crap I have a lot of work to do before I head to the West Coast.
The 8 days post-graduation have flown by. I feel like I graduated and then it is today and I don't remember what happened in between. I know my mom and I looked at houses (for her) and I saw Kels and Kyle and went to Noah's Ark- but could that have really taken 8 days? Man-o-man, I miss K. But like Kels said, it is better that I miss it and remember it fondly than hate it and never want to go back. It's the people more than anything that I miss at K, especially Pie Hole and Hippo and the Feminist Fun group. Those were good times.
It's hard to imagine in less than two months, the State of Missouri and Teach for America and a school district have the confidence in me to teach actual children actual lessons in order to catch them up or help them get ahead. I'm not going to lie, I bought an "English Grammar for Dummies" workbook the other day just so I can brush up on the basics before I have to teach them. Let's hope I survive the summer teacher boot camp and moving and all that in order to use the workbook skills!
On the docket for this week:
-TFA Pre-Institue Work
-Book apartment showings for next week
-Get approved for an auto loan
-Go car shopping
-Hang out with best friend, brand new nurse Kelsey :)
-Date on Thursday with Kyle ;)
-Head out on Saturday for the STL!
That's all for now- I have to get cracking on that list!
-M
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